Quality vs Quantity

It was a hard thing to swallow, but the decision to take a break from ultras for a while is a good one.  If you saw my work and life schedule and tried functioning with my sleep issues, you would totally understand.  I get, maybe, 4-5hrs of sleep at night.  Even when the time is available, it's just impossible for me to lay there.  For example...last night I fell asleep around 9:30pm and slept till 11:30pm, slept about another hour and my son woke up coughing and wanted to lay with me (he needs a bigger bed - i'm working on it), so i managed to fall back asleep from 3:30am-5am.  In the middle of this, was my hyper nocturnal cat, almost a year old.  I'm hoping he grows out of some of this annoyance soon.
Anywho...the attempt to train for ultra's is just totally out of the question right now.  I just can't get the rest that I need to recover and perform well.  I finally made my decision yesterday while out on the trails with my amazing ultrarunning boyfriend, Kai.  After only about 3-4hrs sleep, I forced myself out to run with him like we had planned at 6am so that I could pull the 20 miler I needed to do.  Mohican 50 miler is in less than 3 weeks.  I was an absolute zombie.  I started crying and went through waves of oncoming anxiety attacks.  Yes, the idea of dropping from ultras has brought me this much anxiety.  Why?  Because it's been my identity in the Running Fit community and it's what I absolutely love.  I love the 50 mile distance the most.  I've been very excited to go do Mohican 50, but now will only do the marathon.  People joke when I say only the marathon, but it's all about perspective, really.
My love goes to Kai for supporting me in this decision.  It was hard to make and he had to witness my sadness and breakdown of the decision.  He will continue to rock out 100 after 100, and I will support him in his endeavors.  I will focus on marathons and maybe 50ks.  Speed and tempo workouts will be the new goal - quality over quantity.  Truth be told, this will end up making me a better ultrarunner when the time available comes.  If I can pull out some fast marathon times, my base will be solid and then I can perform better.  I certainly like the idea of that.  The half marathon I did just over a week ago was pretty solid, all things considered.  And performing well, vs just finishing it, gave me a big boost of personal confidance i hadn't felt in a while.  I liked it.  As a FB/DM friend said, times change and with that, new focuses and goals change.  It's just a new day, a new motive, and most importantly...I can still run. 

Back to the Beach Half Marathon

This morning, I woke up early, ready to go run.  Warming up my tender foot, sipping my coffee, I finally decided it better that I take the day off from running.  After pushing myself pretty hard last week, there is an increase in pain in my left heel/post tib, again.  It was getting way better, and almost gone until I raced hard on Sunday.  Was it worth it?  Absolutely!
On Sunday, I ran the Back to the Beach Half Marathon out at Stoney Creek metropark.  It was a last minute deal, after my manager at work said she wasn't going to run it, and I was able to take her spot in the race.  Not only was my mileage built up for the week, but I had also done a speed workout and tempo workout, so my legs were not fresh at all.  The day prior to the race, I ran 9 miles and felt pretty tired from the week.  Knowing this, going into the race I just told myself, what will be, will be.  I hadn't ran a half marathon race in 5 years!  I was interested to see how I would do.  The half I did in 2007 was a flat and paved course.  This one was a combination of bike path, trails, 2 track, dirt road, and concrete - who knew what could happen.
I was very excited to be out there - knowing I wasn't doing a Running Fit event, I could wear whatever I wanted, so I chose my bright Saucony Visipro orange DailyMile singlet and shorts.  I ended up seeing so many people from the east side that I knew from prior work at Lifetime Rochester and even from when I went to college.  I had went through the Hansons training program back in 2006, so I have a history with them, as well.  Even spent a lot of time at the Brooks ID camp chatting with them.  They are good people with a great plan.  I still follow it to this day when I'm looking to really train for something and I thanked them again.
I ended up out at the very front of the 3rd wave of runners, leading the pack.  It felt pretty cool looking back and seeing everyone heading out on a fun race.  All the while, my bro Rick and ultradaddy Bill harrassing me for being out front and teasing they will see me at the finish.  True story lol.  I very quickly ended up catching the wave that headed out prior, and for the entire race just kept passing people.  At first, I thought I was just running way too fast for myself and needed to slow down, but I would always do a little self check and keep going.  Passing so many people in one race felt so weird, yet so exhilarating!  The course was absolutely awesome and the race management was great!  I felt spoiled with 10 aid stations and 2 GU spots.  I didn't have to carry anything with me.  I think I grabbed water 8 times, just a swig, and slowly took a GU over a 3 mile stretch.  I imagined doing it as an IV drip and my stomach was happy with that.  Normally, if I take a GU after an hour of running hard, my stomach just rebels and cramps.  Slowly taking it in, in this manner, worked very well!
Over the course of the race, I was pushing 7:40 pace on the flats and anywhere between 8:00 and 9:00 on the hills and varied terrain.  Somewhere around mile 11, I could really feel the pace catching up to me, and we were in the sun and it was getting pretty warm out.  I had been running neck and neck with a girl for about 4 miles at that point, and I said she was a great pacer.  After that she pushed on ahead of me.  I love that aspect of races - when you are both working together to accomplish the same goal and encourage each other.  This happenned with another girl, as well, who thanked me for a good race at the finish.
When I came into the last push of the finish, there were 4 women in front of me.  I knew I could gain a few more spots in the race and kicked it into high gear and flew through the finish line!  It was so fun!  And the coolest part...I looked over and saw my mom!  She has been to very few races of mine, and since this was very close to her home, she came out to see me finish :')  That, and Kai was there, too, so they got to meet each other.  My mom also got to meet my life support crew - Rick, Bill, and Andrea.
Final stats:  PR at 1:50, pace 8:23
9th in my age group out of 117
23rd female overall out of 308 
It was a great morning, to say the least.  I immediately had to go to work, afterwards, unfortunately.  Standing on my feet all day didn't help matters for my foot, and another 10 hours yesterday.  So, I'm certainly ok with taking today off of running, and will probably just go to the gym if my son is cool with it. 
On a side note - I'm on a vacation from Facebook.  It's been pretty nice - weird, but nice.  Interesting to see just how much time I spend wasted looking at everything there.  I do miss the convenience of seeing quickly what people are doing or planning to run or race, but I think this is good for now.  I have some personal stuff I need to work on, and I don't need to tell the world about it all.  Here, on a blog, I can share my stories and things I'm learning a better platform.
Tis all for now - have a great day peeps!

Ebb and Flow

Life certainly is no fairy tale.  It's more of a drama, mixed in with comedy, and a touch of horror.  There is an ebb and flow through every day, week, month, and year.  It seems that for every good that comes my way, a negative will follow right in its place.  By acknowledging this, I can at least plan for it.  I had a great time on the trails Sunday running our Running Fit Trail 50k, followed up by some personal stress with family matters.  I think everyone can relate to this - the constant ebb and flow throughout our lives.  It relates in marathons and ultrarunning, too.
The run starts out nice and easy, we feel great as our breathing starts to regulate itself and we get into our groove.  We could run all day.  The hills feel effortless.  Then somewhere around 12 miles or so, we find ourselves having to talk our legs into continuing to run and not take walk breaks up the hills.  We start eating a little more at the aid stations, chatting a little more, taking longer swigs on the hydration bottle.  Then it becomes more of push around 20-25 miles.  The mental games begin where we start making deals with ourselves...ok, if i can make it to that big gnarly tree up there, then i can walk.  We get to the tree and make a new deal...just to that next hill, then I'll walk.  Then...ok, i'll just run the flats and downhills and walk the uphills - yeah, that will work. 
These mental games are what make us able to achieve such distances.  Without it, we would just stop at that marathon distance and never see our true potential.  It is the same for life.  Life is an ultra...functioning on little sleep, high demands to make a living, and working at convincing ourselves that if we just get over this next ebb, the flow will soon follow. 
Keep on keeping on my dear ultra friends...

New Age Group

Yesterday, a customer asked me how many marathons I have run.  I keep forgetting for some reason.  So, I went back and checked later - 13 marathons, and 8 ultramarathons.  These are just the official race ones - add to that another dozen or so training runs of marathon or more.  You would think I could remember this.  The countless hours of training and focus on the sport.  The scrutinizing of numbers and race finish times and places.  I really have a hard time remembering though.  Maybe I just don't find it all that important like some do?  I've placed very well in a few of these races, and I remember those.  And I remember a couple of my race times, but not all of them.  Sometimes I think people believe I'm fibbing when i tell them I can't remember, but truthfully, i think it just doesn't matter that much to me what I've done.  What matters to me is where I want to be and where I want to go with this sport. 

Tomorrow, I turn 35 years old.  For women in the sport of ultrarunning, they seem to peak between the ages of 35-45.  Because of this, I'm somewhat excited about my birthday this year :)  I am hoping to be stepping into a new decade of my life where my training can soar and I can finally get out there and do well!  My biggest challenge continues to be getting enough sleep and rest for recovery given my demanding schedule of full time work and being a mom.  I look to those women who are out there making it happen despite the odds, and I continue to hope.

There seems to be a sweet spot I need to find, in order to make it all happen.  My boyfriend, Kai, has a lot of faith in me and believes it will happen.  He is very supportive of what I want to do and willing to help me make it happen.  I feel blessed to have him in my life.  I greatly admire his abilities in this sport we both love.  He is attempting his first 150 miler this weekend, while I run my 14th marathon.  Though miles apart, I know he will do well and my thoughts will be with him.

Happy Birthday to me on this upcoming lucky Friday the 13th, and to all some happy running...

Time Management

Growing up, my parents always made fun of what a procrastinator I was.  Very often, I still am.  If I don't have a tight schedule, I don't get things done in a timely manner.  Certainly no worry about my schedule not being packed these days!  I work as an Assistant Manager and Marathon 501 Coach at Running Fit.  I really love my job, even though it's anything but high pay.  The benefits truly outweigh that aspect.  I often find myself going home with free shoes and swag.  The shoe reps know that if they put you in their product, it makes it easier to sell because we can speak from experience, so it's a no brainer for them to give us stuff.  Looking at my shoes, right now, I have 17 pairs...11 of which were free to me.  The other benefit to my job is free race entry into any of our events.  It's a sweet deal if you are an obsessed runner, like myself ;)

So here is my dilemma and the challenge to this sweet deal of mine...the way my schedule is layed out due to split custody of my son and needing to work enough hours for my position.  I pretty much work open-close Thursday through Monday, with Tues/Wed as my weekend with my boy.  For many distance runners, your weekends off of work is the time for those long runs.  In my case, I am alone with my boy, no chance to run (he's not so fond of the stroller these days, but i'm hoping to work on that).  That leaves me with trying to get my long runs in during my 'work week.'  Now that I coach the 501 class, it does give me the opportunity to run a good 10 miles on Saturday mornings - so that is a plus!  The difficulty, however, lies in me trying to get any run over 20 miles. 

Sunday mornings used to be my most favorite day of the week.  I could start out at 7/8am and run for 3-5 hours to get those 20-30 mile long training runs in, and grab a nap after, and chill for the day.  Now that I always work at noon, the only way that is possibly is to start at 5/6am to get that many miles in before work.  No getting a nap in these days!  Very often, I am finding myself too tired to get up early enough on Sunday mornings.  It would be like getting up Thur morning and pulling 20-30 miles before work, for the typical 9am-5pm work week.  Add to this dilemma that I often have insomnia and can't sleep well, and it's making training VERY hard for me!  In no way, can I even fathom trianing for another 100 miler in the near future, but I am trying to figure out how to get my training set for the 50 milers. 

Time I can run:
Thursday - 7/8pm (1-2hrs)
Friday - 9pm (1hr)
Saturday - 7/8am (501 class, 2-3hr)
Sunday - 6 am (4hrs)
Monday - 6/8pm (501 class, 1-2hr)

So...it's doable, but not ideal.  If I can get my sleep problem settled a bit, that will help tremendously.  If you want something bad enough, you make it happen, right??  God knows I love this sport of ultrarunning and I WILL make it happen!

A Place and Meaning

As much as I would love to vent my personal life here on this blog right now, it is not the place.  That, I have decided to leave out on the trails, roads, and in the gym.  I am here to simply talk about my life as a single mom who has a passion for running marathons and ultras, and loves to lift weights to help keep it all balanced.  I call it my fairy tale because it is my happy place.  Even in the slow moving footsteps that it takes to get up a hill during an ultra or long trail run, there is a peace in those moments that I reflect on when the times are rough for me.  Dealing with divorce and the life after requires a place of meditation.  A place where the ego's in the world are gone and the harsh words are just memories that I work to crush into the dirt beneath my feet.

My fairy tale is also a story that I have chosen to display through the amazing tattoo talent of Brian Massey, who works out of Lucky Monkey in Ann Arbor, MI.  It was started last summer, and should be finished in a few months time.  I have always had a love of tattoos, and finally began the work of a full sleeve on my right arm.  The upper arm is finished, and now we are getting the lower done.  On the upper, is a cherry blossom tree with a fairy kneeling down at the base, and a cardinal flying.  The cherry blossom tree and flowers represent a constant growth and renewal of myself in this life that is ever changing.  There is brief beauty to be found and to reflect on, just as the cherry blossoms come and go with the season.  The fairy represents my nickname from my grandmother when I was little, and is still a nickname I go by today - Faye.  She was my second mom while my parents worked hard to raise me.  I loved her very much.  She had a thing for cardinals, and every time I see one, I take a moment and reflect.  Hence the cardinal flying in the background of the tattoo.  For the lower arm, it will be a more traditional japanese piece with a koi, 2 butterflies, and a lotus flower.  The koi represents perseverence in the japanese tradition and the butterflies represent transition.  Though I didn't intend it, my son says that one butterfly is for him and one is for me :)  In the back tradition, 2 butterflies represent marital bliss, but in my case it will mean the bond between my son and I.  The lotus flower represents spiritual awakening.  It has been a rough couple years, and though I am not the religious spiritual type, I do find spirituality in mother nature while out running in the trails.

So, that is the story of my arm sleeve.  I have been very happy with the work that Brian has done.  He has designed it all by hand from me simply telling him what I want.  I love how colorful he has been able to make it and can't wait for it to be done!  Yesterday at work, a lady said thank you to me for allowing her to admire my walking artwork.  It was a good feeling :)

My Vision

I have a vision of where I want to be, and it is my hope that I get there. My current life situation is thankfully pretty far from where it was a year ago, so I can only imagine where it will be in another year! Last year was a huge struggle for me to do any ultrarunning. Or even marathoning for that matter. In 2010, I was running from a failing marriage. I ran a ton of races and training runs, and quite honestly, had a great running year. Last year really knocked me down. I had separated from the now ex-husband, about a year ago today, and was simply struggling to start a new life. My running suffered greatly due to my increased work demand and stress created a sleep deprivation for me, in which I still struggle. I managed to run a 50k in April, and after that was training for a 100k race in September. The kicker came when I broke my baby toe on a chair leg. Unreal...of all things, just snapped it in half on a damn chair leg! Add to this, attempting to get off of my Xanax dependancy and my divorce finalizing in November. Yeah...it sucked.

As I was slowly coming back around and bringing back my miles and mostly off the meds, there were a lot of little aches and pains and weirdo things going on. Amazing what a couple months off of running will do to a body that only seems to know how to run.  On Christmas day, I ran the marathon distance and a week later on New Years ran a fat ass marathon.  I was feeling awesome!  Then, silly me decided to run a half marathon on a treadmill at a pretty good pace.  I felt my plantar fascia scream at me, but I ignored it till the run was over.  It has been yelling at me ever since.  My body just isn't meant for treadmill running.  At least not fast.  Long story short, I've been trying to get rid of this little issue since.  It's just moody - sometime good, sometimes not.

So last weekend ended up bringing me some hope to my vision.  I think the beautiful weather that has rolled in has helped, too.  As hard as it was for me to run that 60k last weekend, I feel like it was a big stepping stone to me moving forward into 2012 and my new life.  The race, itself, was one of the hardest for me to finish.  I was slow, tired, and worst of all nauseated.  Never felt that before.  My assumption was that my lack of training hadn't brought my body back up to that level of processing all that lactic acid.  I wanted to puke the last 10 miles of the race and couldn't, and just had to walk.  I can recall, however, despite all the nausea, embracing the fact that I was out there in the woods just soaking up the moments in the warmth of the sun and doing what I had been wanting to do for almost a year.  Beauty in misery is the only way I can describe the way that race went for me.

I may write out a further detailed race recap later for LBL, but for now, I'm just happy to realize I'm on my way back.  I think what is giving me a little boost in believing this, is that I was hardly sore afterwards in comparison to other ultras i have ran.  Felt barely anything in the legs, just the calves and feet ached.  And not a single blister.  I thought for sure I would have suffered more in those areas.  That was a nice surprise.

My vision is slowly taking shape.  I have a marathon and a 50k next month, and a 50 miler in June.  That's all I have planned for now.  I really do love the 50 mile distance.  In the past, it has never set me back in my training.  And I love running 20-30 mile training runs.  My work schedule really makes training and racing difficult, but I'm sure i'll figure things out eventually.  It's a new year, and a new me.  Through perseverance and determination I will get back to where I want to be...it takes a vision to make a goal reality.